It's all in the Genes.

Okay,okay, okay. So, if this guy

(Eugene Mirman)

and this girl

(Amy Sedaris)

had a baby that had this guy

(David Cross)

as a brother and was best friends and neighbors with this girl,

(Janeane Garofalo)

I would totally want to be that baby.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. the portraits of Sedaris and Garofalo were taken by Ali Smith.

Weekly Top Artists.


i just joined last.fm. i really think the world deserves to know all of my intimate details. i really do.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. if you join, we can totally be friends.






ladies and gentlemen...

my future husband:

Stephen Merchant.

that is all.

Hola! I have just discovered something that i love a lot.

Zip and Li'L Bit.

the link will not take you to the first page in the series. but i am sure you can navigate your way around once you are there.
truly,
the recess bandit.

Unknown.

What kind of looter am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

yeah, i know. It is a cheap post. What are you going do, eh?

my day has been filled with ru-uniting with folks from old. I also spend hours grinding turkey necks, not as easy as one would imagine.

a dear friend of mine sent me an e-mail in regards to my previous post. It was thoughtful and well received. It also made me laugh my fool head off. This the quote that did it: Oh 2 things, have a great party, and is this the surgery, the girls get some air let out?

hil-ar-i-ous.

truly,
the recess bandit.

* You can't create a post without a Subject

My surgery date is approaching faster than I could ever imagine. The thought that keeps circling in my head is that a part of me is going to be thrown in the garbage. Actually, thrown in medical-waste trash bins somewhere. So, I have decided to have a going away party.

I am not sure how else to deal with my nervous energy and a party, for an agoraphobic such as myself, seems like the perfect balance between avoidance and torture.

So, if you know me, you are invited to my house next Saturday the twelfth. Even if I haven't seen you for a dog's age. You see, part of my nervousness stems from a strong believe that I will not survive the surgery. It is a very common surgery, and I haven't any real reason to panic, but the numbers are aligning just so. There, now that I have said it, it will defiantly not come true.



call or e-mail me for details.


truly,
the recess bandit.


p.s. if you want to bring boob-cupcakes, I will not protest.

One of these days.

Sometimes, I have these days. Days in which I feel as if my brain is collapsing and my innards are faltering. I get woozy, light head and nauseous. I cannot think straight at all and I get a blinding headache.

The result of these symptoms is my brain launching into automatic panic. I start to think that I am expiring from some tropical disease, even if I have not left the neighborhood. I start to think that maybe there has been some sort of lethal gas leak into my window from strange government-type agents. My mind starts to race, trying to figure out who the last person I pissed off was and who they may be connected. Every pang in my guts makes me think that my killer is more sadistic than I could ever imagine. I start to get into a rage because someone pulled a fast one on me, somehow slipping me poison or something. My mind starts whirling through the previous items that I have ingested to try to pinpoint the exact moment of the heinous act for which I am currently suffering, perhaps dying, from.

Then, with a gasp and a giggle, I realize that I have not only neglected to eat anything all day, I have also somehow neglected coffee as well.

I would not survive in the jungle.

truly,
the recess bandit.

I really can't help myself.....

You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 100% Robin 85% Hulk 75% Superman 70% The Flash 65% Supergirl 55% Batman 55% Green Lantern 45% Wonder Woman 40% Catwoman 35% Iron Man 15%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


I mean, come on, a super-hero quiz?!? And I, of course, get Spider-Man, whom I love love love. How could I not post the results? And the Hulk as number 3?

oh, so much of my self-worth is derived from these on-line quizzes.

truly,
the recess bandit.

The Things You Do for Love.

No, this is not some sappy post about me and the Main Squeeze, although that is going remarkably well. This is a post about the two dwellers that I feed and brush and pick up pooh for. Yes, the kats.

A while ago, I had the two of them on a raw food diet, or B.a.r.f. (bones and raw food) and they were perky, healthy kats indeed. I would have loved to have keep them on it, but lost the use of the meat grinder when I moved to this town. Recently though, I procured one of my very own.

The general just of the diet is that I have to stick dead things into a hand-crank grinder to break the bones into small enough pieces for my beast to eat.

To say that I am squeamish when it comes to dead things would be an understatement. Unless it is the un-dead, I want no part of it. So, this little uhm, roadblock, makes the preparation of the food difficult.

Someone had donated a wack load of organic, free-range chicken a while ago. And seeing as I have a hard time eating meat, let alone knowing the first thing about cooking it, it went to the kats. Of course, I had to get it through the grinder first. The set up is something that I am quite proud of. At no part during the ordeal would my hands have to touch the meat. It was perfect. The whole thing was moving along quite well until one of the wings got jammed in the wheel. Using the tongs, I pushed and prodded until it begrudgingly started going through. I started a smiling victoriously a tad early and failed to notice the build up under the skin. All too late, like a slow motion horror film, I saw the blood gush through the skin and up into my smiling face.

I looked up at one of my precious kats, hoping for some sympathy, but all I got was a long whine from her. Apparently I was not grinding fast enough to fill her bulging guts.



truly,
underappreciated.

Frackin' Right.

Which Battlestar Galactica character are you?

You are Lt. Kara Thrace (Starbuck). You like to fight, smoke cigars, and sleep around. Deep inside, though, you're wounded and just looking for someone to love.
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Grocery Shopping.

Two things of note from my most recent adventure out to the local grocery store.
1) An elderly gentleman advises me regarding how to pick the right broccoli, then proceeds to show me his tattoos and tells me "The Japs do the best ones."
2) The main staple in the "International Foods" section: Uncle Ben's Instant Rice.

Gotta love this town.

truly,
the recess bandit.


* i know, i know. not uncle ben's, but this is fitting because it is the second most predominant food.

Finger Chewing Fun.

I am slipping down again. I cannot leave the house anymore, and I am not answering the door, so please do not knock. The kick in the pants about this fucking illness? There is an herbal supplement that aids me in coping with all of this. I cannot afford to purchase these supplements. I cannot afford to steal these supplements. My drug plan does not cover these supplements. They will cover pharmaceuticals, which only exasperates things for me. So, I sit in my apartment, curtains drawn, doors locked, hoping I make it through this shit again.


truly,
me.

*please note: before folks get too concerned, and i appreciate the concern, but if things were dire, i would not be posting, and with lovely pictures no less. So, although the thought is nice, please do not call or knock. thanks. i just need to pace for a few days is all.

Reading is Sexy?

The time to come clean is here. I have a problem, an addiction of sorts. This addiction is running my life. I wake up in the morning thinking about it, I fall asleep cradling my addiction in my arms. I am hooked on books. Kind of in that life altering, time snatching, ridiculous way. I have done nothing with my days but sit on the back porch reading and drinking coffee. I am going through a novel a day. Sometimes, I will take a break and watch a movie. Or phone a friend to tell them about the current book. It is getting kind of ridiculous.

I knew it was a problem when last evening, on my way to a workshop with the Atlantic Film-makers Cooperative, a packed not one but two books. You know, just in case I get stranded somewhere, like a desert island, for a day or two. The worst part, while we were waiting for the instructor to show, during the time I should have been conversing with the fine film folks in the room, I pull out some reading material. This time it was not a straight up reading novel, but a graphic novel, a comic book. It was an R. Crumb book to boot, which awarded me some very dirty looks. Some would say that R. Crumb's work is sexist and offensive. I have not yet come to this conclusion. He is perverse, yes, but at his own admittance.

Essentially, my reading is getting me into trouble. I am not working on any projects, I am not cleaning my house, I socialize minimally at best, and I am not eating or sleeping much. The biggest problem is that I don't really care. I honestly feel content with this lifestyle. I have slipped in and out of it in the past, basically whenever I get the chance, and have come out of it unscathed. So, life be damned, I am reading my days away.

truly,
the reading bandit.

I didn't realize how drunk i was until this morning. the first give away was the hang over. the second was putting on my glasses and realizing how dirty they were.


t,
trb.

827 women in one bar is insane.

Back in the Saddle.

Hello my lovelies,

It has been awhile hasn't it? Quick update, Gort, the computer, is back on the desk and feeling fine. Gort would like to thank you all for your kind words and support.

So, where oh where have I been? Well, I finally made it to Fredericton. I wanted to go so badly for so long, and after this trip I wonder why. The place is attractive enough, but for a city with so many trees, there isn't really any shade. My fair skin cannot handle such intense sun, but I needed to venture out for coffee. Next time, I bring a coffee maker; I am not going back to cowboy coffee no matter what.

So, first night out, and I am enjoying my self. I got dressed up for the occasion in Mary Jane flats, fitted half pants, and a sleeveless fitted shirt. I look very femme indeed. I am also tipsy and giddy, so pretty much half skipping. Walking down the main street when a car speeds by with a special shout-out for me:

"FAGGOT!!"

Wow, faggot eh? Wow wow; guess I still got what it takes. During my amazement over the situation, a police cruiser pulls up beside me. I am panicking in my head due to previous encounters with Johnny Law, when I notice the cop looks strikingly like Patricia Arquette. I instantly believe myself to have been dropped into a Lynch film and look around for burning objects.

"Did you call for us?" she inquires
"Well, someone was shouting Faggot" ah, shit. Panic rises again as I realize the implication of the statement.
"Uhm, I mean, uhm, someone shouted at me as I was walking"

She wished me a good evening and went after them.

Such an odd turn of events.

I may need to return to that strange land someday, but for now, I stay here. My surgery has finally been booked, after three years of waiting. I am trying to prepare for the exciting event. For those of you unaware of the surgery I am referring to, have no worries, it is not a life-threatening thing. I am going to be documenting it though, so look for a link in the near future. Or don't, whateves. I don't care.

truly,
a faggoty recess bandit.

Missing you dearly Gort.

Can't talk, computer on ... uhm, uh.... vacation. Too choked up to write........



truly,
the recess bandit.

Unknown.

Thats right, I took up running for sport.

later dollface,
truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. for any of you dorkweeds who do not know who the above kids are, go here.

Such a Perfect Day.

Dr. McNinja.

Gosh golly gee whiz was today ever swell. First off, I slept in until like 1:30 p.m., I never sleep in. It was amazing. So, to celebrate, I prepare my most favorite breakfast: 3 very large, very strong cups of Justus coffee, with honey, and comics. Lots and lots of comics. I kinda lost the rest of the day to comics actually. Which brings me to the above photo. It is a screen-capture from an on-line comic about Dr. McNinja. This shit is hilarious. I was not so impressed at first, but then I got hooked. I read all of the archives. I also pimped up my browser. It is unbelievable how happy this new, tacky look makes me. Then, to top off the day, I ripped out some stinky carpet from the kat's litter room, showered, and watched Kids in the Hall. I wish everyday could be this funny.

truly,
the recess bandit.

Thanks for the Ride Lady....

So, which one of you lovelies wants to take me to Fredericton? I am a joy to travel with as I am witty and can also sit in silence. I can also pitch in for gas and help with coffee fixings. E-mail me or call me if you, or someone you know, is going to Fredericton for a week-end, or week, or whatever. Interesting fact: Fredericton has almost the same population as survivors on the Battlestar Gallatica.

truly,
the recess bandit.

Small Town Wonderment.

I find this very hard to believe.


truly,
trb.

Warning.

While watching this video, I laughed hysterically, only to feel an immense amount of guilt afterwards. This was later stifled by my laughter yet again. The hilarity of this video confirms that I am not a nice person.
This is a clip from a show entitled Wonder Showzen. Enjoy.





truly,
the recess bandit.

Lazy as Fudge.

I believe myself to be at my best these days, in that "things are going well" sort of way. Other than the lack of bill payments that is. The Main Squeeze came to visit bearing gifts for me....comic books. How could I not raise my hand to my forehead and swoon? I am shedding the excessiveness that I picked up during school. Things are falling into place. Whoosh.

So, I promised you kids some photos, and I intend to deliver. Here ya go.

Murray the Llama.

Baxter the Dog.

Kieran the Suck.

That is all.

'till next time,
truly,
the recess bandit.

Wishing and Hoping.

I wonder if it is worth systematically losing good friends due to his inability to act like a human. If you can actually feel him removing all of your spark, sucking you dry.


I only wish you the best.

truly,
the recess bandit.

A New Kid on the Block.

So, she's all grown up now and has her very own blog. Ch-ch-ch-check it out. Indecisive.

Very nicely done.

truly,
the recess bandit.

I just realized that my previous post had no useful information in it. The show is from 2pm-6pm on Saturday (*this day). It will be up for 3 weeks I believe, but today is the opening.

till next time,
me.

Come One,

Come All. To the greatest show of all. Couldn't you tell that is where it was going?


And, yes, the Bandit does have work in the show. Yipps.


truly,
the recess bandit.

You Can Never Go Home Again?

Some highlights from my trip to visit family members.

1) Hanging out with my mom's pet llama, Murray. Pictures to follow in a day or two.
2) Shaving my legs for the first time in seven years to appease family members, my head hair was not up to par though.
3) Discovering that I was once an Olympic hopeful for competitive swimming. hahaha.
4) Sleeping with the smells and sounds of 18 very large dogs wafting by my head.
5) Having Patty, the parrot, scream "shut-up" at me repetitively.
6) Hanging out at the Yacht Club, listening to folks talk about how the "terrorists" deserve to die slow and painful deaths.
7) Simply hanging out at the Yacht Club, hung over, with freshly shaven legs.
8) Getting my arm jammed between the banister and a 700 pound fire proof filing cabinet.
9) Eating at a restaurant where each table has it's very own television. No need for idle chatter anymore.
10) No internet access.


All in all it was a lovely trip. I am brusied, battered, and sunburnt. I do have a newly installed kat door now though.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. i missed each and everyone of you.

Back Just in Time.

Back in my apartment, back in my chair, back in front of Gort, with my kats circling my ankles. It almost feels as if I was not gone at all. I went visiting for almost three full weeks. I took up smoking again. Family can do that for you. I almost wish I had a heroin habit or something.

truly,
the recess bandit.

What Can I Say?

The world is consistently pushing black crotched dresses on me. What gives? Is the power of the crochet too strong?

Just so you Know.

click.

Senti-Mental

E-mails from my friends make me never want to leave this town.

Can you bottle stupidity?

In having to deal with situations the past few days, a voice in my head has been screaming the following at certain individuals.



I am totally going to marry White Ninja someday.



truly,
the recess bandit.

Lovely Legs.

Which famous poet is the Recess Bandit?

Charles Bukowski! You scored 41 Demeanour, 81 Debauchery, 37 Traditionalism, and 70 Expression!

You are a drunk and a grump. You hate everything. Hating things makes you happy. Being happy makes you miserable. Being miserable makes you hate things. You don't mind telling anyone and everyone what you think about everyone and everything. Your masterpiece is "Love is a Dog from Hell", but you don't care.

Link: The Which Famous Poet Are You Test


truly,
the Recess Bandit.

Paging Dr. Obnoxious......

I once convinced someone that I was a doctor by running around a party yelling "get this girl some cake, STAT!!!".

Thank you again White Ninja.

truly,
the bandit of your heart.

Now get back to work bitches!!!!!

Gotta Sing?!? Gotta Dance?!?

So, you wanna be in pictures? I am shooting a musical. I need singers and dancers for a six minute parody musical. You do not need to be a good singer or dancer, just be willing to look like you are enjoying yourself. We shoot on the week of May 15th. If you live in Halifax and are interested, please e-mail me though this blog thing. This is a school project and will only involve one day of shooting, probably. And, the cast just may get some pizza. How could you resist?

truly,
a musical recess bandit.

More sentimental Crap.

I think about this world a lot and I cry
And I’ve seen the films and the eyes
But I’m in this kitchen
Everything is beautiful
And she is so beautiful
She is so young and old
I look at her and I see the beauty
Of the light of music
The voices talking somewhere in the house
Late spring and you’re drifting off to sleep
With your teeth in your mouth
You are here with me
You are here with me
You have been here and you are everything

R.E.M.

How could you not love this man? I saw R.E.M. perform when I was fourteen. I was full of teen angst and brimming with hormones. Micheal Stipe made an auditorium cry unision. I repeat, how could you not love him?

Yes, I am getting sappy. But it is with good reason. The resent courtship is taking a sharp turn for the best. Lovely lovely days. I writting a musical for goodness sakes. There is no escaping pure bliss when writting a musical.

with a skip to my step,
and a song in my cold, cold heart,
truly,
the recess bandit.

An open letter to Michael Jackson.

Dear Michael Jackson,
What the frack happened to you. When I was a young, impressionable youth I loved you very much. I bought your lps, I had the glove and the sparkle socks, I even had the red Beat It jacket. You were a very handsome and talented young man. Now, I cannot believe you look and act the way that you do.

As part of some research for a short film, I have been watching your old music videos. They are amazing. I felt nostalgic for the old you, the one I had no embarrassment about dressing like. Was the fame really too much? Did you burn up when getting too close to the sun?

I spent many hours in my basement trying to emulate your dance moves, sweating away hours of my precious youth. I wore my love for you very proudly:



The glasses say it all.

truly,
the recess bandit.

You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know.

Elliott Smith.

If I ever plan to get anything done, I need to give this man up. I have three treatments to write, a zine to compile and design, and a room to clean. But all I can do is listen to Elliott Smith with hints of Billy Bragg thrown in for good measure. I may never make it out of my room ever again.

truly,
the recess bandit.

And stay off my porch.

Sucked Right Back in.

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz


Thank you very much Tifilis, for sucking me back into quiz world. I will get you back for this...one day.

truly,
the sissiest of recess bandits.

The American Cracker.

I just love this comic. In fact, I love must of the comics of Steven L. Cloud that I have seen.

Boy on a Stick and Slither.

truly,
the recess bandit.

So Many Useless Skills.

In an attempt to get a decent paying job/(gasp) career, I am learning the insides and outs of the basic computer programs. This fantastic piece was pieced together using photoshop. I also did two stop-motion animations and one time-lapsed video today. I have discovered a new program that my mother is going to buy me. That's right, the recess bandit is going legit and I have a mother.





the recess bandit.

I had an 8:30 class this morning, and instead of the usual bicycle ride to school, I put my lazy ass on the public transit. Boy oh boy am I ever glad I did. Two things of note:
1) The bra-less lady was on the bus this morning. She was wearing a banana-clip. That is sooooo me in 3 years.
2) There were two women on the bus that talked about television the entire bus ride. Not just what they watched, but the channels they watched and satellite versus the other. Whatever the other is.

And this post in itself has taught me a lesson as well. While trying to find a fantastic image of a banana-clip I stumbling upon a fantastic discovery. Sometimes, banana-clips come with hair already attached! I shit you not.

My question: why the shit am I trying to grow out my hair when I can just attach a long mane?


truly,
the recess bandit.

My Walkman has no Batteries.

Walking home from school today, I was privy to some interesting conversation. Three people, two females, one male, walking down the street towards me. The older women is saying".....so I told him that I do not wear a bra. I got nothing to put in it!". To which she cackled as if it was her best line. The kind of dry, raspy, wheezy cackle that a middle aged, heaving smoking woman can achieve.

I have decided to leave the walkman at home more often.

Coming Soon: Guest Bloggers!!!!! -or- I am getting super lazy.

truly,
the sissiest recess bandit around.

This is so Lovely:

Mintimperial.

The Good Old Days.

Yes, I remember a time when my household had oil to keep us warm. Now we just have our parkas. One would think we had learned our lesson the last time.


truly cold,
the recess bandit.

Dear Kidlings,

I have time for a very quick update, then the internet goes off for seven days! I am about to go into a very busy time period and need to conserve my eyes for school related computer time. So, a quick and boring post before I go.
1) I am focusing on school again. A friend has promised me a hat and a party if I graduate.
2) Numbering the list makes me feel strange, so I will stop.


I have a new addiction. Propeller Ginger Beer. I thought my insomnia had come back, but I think it is due to drinking one or two or these delicious and refreshing soda pops after midnight. Lesson learned, moving on.
I just received the full series of Strangers With Candy. I am doing everything in my power not to watch it rather than doing my school work. Some of my computer chat time is being cut drastically to make time for the show.
I quit smoking, again. I did not really start back up full time, just when drinking. This became a problem when I would drink just so I could smoke.
Speaking of smoking, I think the feeling in my tongue may be coming back! I can feel a dull pain on a small section in the front. Positive: I will be able to taste things fully again, including melon. For some reason the melon tastebud was knocked out. However, I can still taste my merry melon roll-on shiner.

I have started compiling information for a couple of documentaries. I want to make better use of equipment at my disposal.


I need to go edit now. So, a creepy picture of one of my kats to tie you over until I get back. Who knows, I may grace you with some mad ramblings mid-shoot.




truly,
the recess bandit.

How I Spent my Spring Break.

The first thing I did for my spring break was turn the heat wayyyy up in my now tropical apartment. I then proceeded to crank up the rocking tunes, braid and bead my hair, consume copious amounts of crappy beer and run around the house flashing and yelling "wwhoooooooo" at anyone that walked by. It was fantastic.

I had more, but Blogger is not uploading my images.


till next time suckers,
truly,
the recess bandit.

I can admit that I am an emotion person. It is something that I have come to terms with, sort of. I can even admit to having bouts of sadness, okay, depression, every now and again. The usual bouts only last a few day, and nobody can tell because I don't stop laughing during the whole thing. Yes, my cackle. If you have been in the same room as me, you know what I am talking abut. But things are getting ridiculous these days. I don't really have much to complain about, my life is going well. I am back into school, friends are in from out of town, I'm on spring break, which means I will be constantly flashing and yelling. Such a lovely boy-o-boy, goodness gracious, such fun.

I should be gleeful. Overwhelmed with good cheer. The thing that is really going on? The world seems so sad to me right now. I look around and everyone's face makes me want to cry. Things that I found hysterical before are just lonely and depressing now. It is weird, it is creepy, it is not a bowl of cherries. I think somewhere along the way, through one of life's many obstacles, my heart got snagged and tore. SEE! Do you see what I mean! Bullshit like that is coming out of my mouth/fingers. It is disturbing. I do not want to be this sad and morbid. I find it boring, I want to punch myself in the eye, I want to push my own face in a puddle. I want out.

I was daydreaming the other day that I would get kicked out of school. I had planned to just disappear. The fantasy became so intense that I even started packing my bag and finding a home for my kats. I can tell spring is coming because I have no desire to be standing still anymore.


truly,
the recess bandit.

Settle in, this one's a long one.

Here's a funny story:
I have been trying to attend school everyday. Things are going well, I'm on time, my homework is done, getting along with classmates. I was pretty pleased with myself. I even turned down invitations so I could stay in and do homework. So, Thursday rolls around, I am almost in the clear. I check the bus schedule, grab my gear and run down the street, just in case the bus comes early. It does not. It was, in fact, half an hour late...which is officially a no show. I am starting to panic at this point. My bike is already downtown and I have too much gear to walk at any reasonable pace. I take a couple of deep breathes, try to will the bus to appear. The bus does not, but some young kid does. Well, a teenager, to be fair. Now, this kid is standing near me, smoking and spitting, cursing under her breathe. I am highly amused as it reminds me of myself at fourteen. Punk as fudge. As I snicker to myself, I look down so to not put her off, thinking I am laughing at her (insert bad teen memories here), I look down just in time to see her gob land on my pant leg. My mouth drops. There is now spit on my leg. I take another deep breathe, saying to myself, this has to have been an accident, turn around and walk home. Attendance record ruined.







Here's another funny story:
The bathroom sink has gotten clogged. All three of us who live in this household have dropped an item down the drain. Housemate number one dropped a chapstick. Housemate number two dropped a contact case lid. Housemate number me a.k.a master and commander, dropped my tooth. The drain hit it's full capacity the day after our landlady left for the middle east for two months. We now brush our teeth in the shower.




What makes this all better? Tonite, after a grueling day of dealing with full on arrogance of the mid-twenties male kind, I found a free, working, fancy espresso maker. Someone left it on the sidewalk marked: free/working. Yes. So fantastic. Coffee dates at my house!




truly,
the recess bandit.

Robot Love

I cannot believe how much I am
a) in love with this.
b) envious that I did not create it myself.

c-c-c-check it out.



truly,
the recess bandit.