4 March 2006

Settle in, this one's a long one.

Here's a funny story:
I have been trying to attend school everyday. Things are going well, I'm on time, my homework is done, getting along with classmates. I was pretty pleased with myself. I even turned down invitations so I could stay in and do homework. So, Thursday rolls around, I am almost in the clear. I check the bus schedule, grab my gear and run down the street, just in case the bus comes early. It does not. It was, in fact, half an hour late...which is officially a no show. I am starting to panic at this point. My bike is already downtown and I have too much gear to walk at any reasonable pace. I take a couple of deep breathes, try to will the bus to appear. The bus does not, but some young kid does. Well, a teenager, to be fair. Now, this kid is standing near me, smoking and spitting, cursing under her breathe. I am highly amused as it reminds me of myself at fourteen. Punk as fudge. As I snicker to myself, I look down so to not put her off, thinking I am laughing at her (insert bad teen memories here), I look down just in time to see her gob land on my pant leg. My mouth drops. There is now spit on my leg. I take another deep breathe, saying to myself, this has to have been an accident, turn around and walk home. Attendance record ruined.

Here's another funny story:
The bathroom sink has gotten clogged. All three of us who live in this household have dropped an item down the drain. Housemate number one dropped a chapstick. Housemate number two dropped a contact case lid. Housemate number me a.k.a master and commander, dropped my tooth. The drain hit it's full capacity the day after our landlady left for the middle east for two months. We now brush our teeth in the shower.

What makes this all better? Tonite, after a grueling day of dealing with full on arrogance of the mid-twenties male kind, I found a free, working, fancy espresso maker. Someone left it on the sidewalk marked: free/working. Yes. So fantastic. Coffee dates at my house!

the recess bandit.


S Moore said...

Those items are just in the trap. It would take you about three minutes to take it loose, dump it out, and resume sink usage.

recess bandit said...

Dear S Moore,
Thank you for your insight. Usually, what you are saying is true. In fact, for some creepy reason, it was an obbsesion of mine to clean my old trap on a monthly basis. Unfortuantely, the trap on this sink is jimmy-rigged, so removing it has proven difficult. I will prevail though. I got new lipstick for the occasion and everything.
p.s. I have perused your novel, I am gooing back for more.

tiffany dawn said...

I am sooooooo there. I might be a little late though.

I had one of those days today too. Early in the am my boss threatened to kill a shoplifter with a gardening rake, and it just kept getting better after that.
I really am going to try and come home this summer so I'm booking my coffee date in advance. How about we say July sometime?


recess bandit said...

Uhhh, Tiffany Dawn? I am sure I do not know anyone as sissy as that! But, if you are the rouch and tumble spit-in-yer-eye-punch-in-the-arm Tif that I knew BEFORE some creepy, space cadet "oh look at me, I live on the West Coast, I dread my hair.." body invasion worm took over your stout body, then you can have everyday in July.
P.S. A gardening rake? Did he offer to lay 12 of them in long grass and let the thief walk through? Cause that would be fun.

feel THIS said...

Hey, I'm allowed to explore my hippy side if I want to, they just don't like me much cause I'm always getting drunk and starting shit.

I have a group of east coast homies that keep me sane, I don't really want to fight nature anyway. Besides, kicking ass is part of my charm!

It's best not to give my boss ideas like that. He is truly wack and I would be worried that he would actually do it. And then I would have to wipe up the blood. I guess the day could have been much worse...

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recess bandit said...

Hey Potty Mouth, stay away from my blog.

Anonymous said...

hey man-are you alive or what?

recess bandit said...

Yes I am still alive. Check your answering machine.