5 February 2008

That ol' choking feeling.

My brain hurts so much tonite. I spent the day re-learning and learning new skills on the Avid system. The constant switch from film to video is exhausting, but I am so happy to be learning from a pro and not trying to teach myself at two in the morning with nothing but the internet and a free Avid version.

The training was amazing, albeit slightly distracting. I would not suggest trying to learn anything important from someone you find attractive. It is way to distracting. I kinda got all stuttery and and squirrelly every half hour. I am guessing the lack of sleep was not helpful either.

Film Updates:
I completly bailed on the tinfoil letters. They were making me want to cut my teeth out with the scissors, so I stopped. I spent two-ish days looking for a lettering system, and explaining madly to anyone who would listen what they looked like, asking where to get them. I found hem and bought a huge bag of almonds to celebrate. The opening title is pictured above. The sign is my new inanimate crush.

Another proud moment, I totally got off my procrastinating back end and hand processed my film. I now have the negative, which I shall turn into a positive in the coming days. I ran it through the Steenbeck the first time and walked out of the room. I hated it. Truly despised it.

Watched it again, still don't really like it, but I cannot care anymore. What is done is done. I learned enough from making the film that that the end result is somewhat insignificant.

Such proud accomplishments, socializing again, obtaining goals, teaching workshops, using public washrooms. I am a wreck. The panic has moved into my throat.

I thought I had this thing licked, no more panic attacks, able to move about freely. What to do....through my self into the fire and hope like fuck I make it.

I am going out to dinner with a friend to talk gender politics, continuing to breath, and smoking cigarettes.

it i since to know when i am about to crack and try to do something about it. life is lovely.

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