grateful.

i am so happy i am not being chased by a dinosaur. it is all i have thought about for the past few days. i have started to worry that i may run into a dinosaur around the corner and cannot bike away fast enough.

i am developing some sort of dino-phobia.

i don't kiss losers and i don't kiss winners.

my head is buzzing with fantastics tales. my fingers have no desire to type them out.

one thing i will tell you, i had a fantastic weekend. i meet some wonderful folks.

i also experienced some folks making "suggestions" for how i ought to conduct my affairs, or rather lack thereof.

i am referring to being happily single for a significant period of time. is it really so bad to like being alone? having a queen size bed to myself? not finding someone else's hair in the sink?

dating someone bossy would suck. i am waiting for someone spectacular to travel my way. i think i deserve it, being such a catch and all.

Marry Me Jon Stewart.

The following link is to a clip from the daily show regarding a person going through a transition and being fired over it. The Daily Show has managed to do another wonderful job.

enjoy: http://www.ifilm.com/video/2845521

for pete's sake.

what an effing seven day stint it has been.

i used to have dreams that Vonnegut and I were drinking whiskey in random bars. He would just happen to be where ever I was.

i am going back to bed.

trb.

Failure to destroy.

my plan for last evening was not followed through. instead of hitting the sauce as i had planned, i chatted with friends. today i am not puking.

i did manage to put together a crack team of animators though for a collaboration.

fucking heartbreak.

i lost a very dear friend and it is making me crazy. one second i am doing that scream cry, sobbing uncontrollably, then a split second later, full calmness.

i feel like kicking and screaming and punching and biting.

three days now in a strange sobbing paralysis.

fuck.

there are many folks that i am supposed to get a hold of that are just going to have to wait.

tonite, i drink myself silly.

tomorrow, i puke for hours, hopefully.

i will be fine by next friday.

my ears are in love.

two of the best things i have heard in the past few days are:

1) you put the suppository up the old cooley,stand on your head and let it get to work. (cooley is also the nickname of my old housemate)

2) you've seen my downstairs mix-up (after flashing someone).

chances are, these are not as amusing for you folks as they are me, but that is the way the cookie crumbles ya brats.

trb.

cue the whirring sound...I am back folks. the kid downstairs is back into paying bills, and i am piggy backing once again. no more standing in the library or sneaking off at parties to send poorly written e-mails in a mad dash to stay in touch with all my favorite kids.

life is pretty good these days and i am currently pursuing my life long dream job. working with the post office. this is no joke. i want to be a letter carrier so badly. what better job for me. i could get jacked up on coffee, strap on an over-weight carrying sack and wander all around town avoiding human contact. i do that now for free, it is just as well i join one of the best unions around and make an effing career out of it.

plus, i love the mail. some could say it is a slight obbsession.

so, look for me wandering the streets, looking surly and uniformed and know that my heart is singing.

such fun.

till next time losers,
the recess bandit.


oh yeah, the picture above is a shortbread cookie made for me for my housewarming party by my former housemate.

it was so delicious.

out of the loop.

i do not have internet at home anymore. as it turns out, my downstairs neighbour, whose router has been providing me of late, has neglected to pay the bills. maybe i will have to suck it up and pay for my own connection.

in the mean time, have you been to indecisive's place recently? there are some hilariously gross tales there, and her cynicism is still in place. in a world of unreliable internet connections, i can still rely on my kid sister to see the dark at the end of the tunnel. whatever you do, don't wish her a happy new year!

till we meet again....if internet ever returns to my house.


the recess bandit.

i have decided to grow a moustache through sheer will power.

Finally Snapped.

Something strange is going on.
I think I may have finally snapped, or, I am actually such a pure genius I have kept it under wraps from even my self up until now. Recently, I have started muttering to myself, well, I should clarify. I have always been a mutterer, rattling about town, grimacing and chatting to myself. It is just something I have learned to accept and not worry to much about. The problem is not the mutterings, rather the direction they are taking.

It seems as though I have started to solve math problems in my head. I catch myself going through these strange equations to which I haven't the slightest idea where the numbers came from. Seriously. It over took me one day, and I actually stopped dead on the street, trying to calculate as many decimals as possible for 14 into 333. I had arrived at these two numbers through a series of multiplying and dividing, but haven't any idea what, if anything, I was trying to solve.

The ridiculous thing about all of this, I am hopeless at math unless I use a calculator. I am a finger counter. It has always been a slight embarrassment, but I could never calculate in my head. I still can't, when I am fully conscious. But these Math Trances are different. My fingers stay in my pockets, I am solving the equations without their assistance.

I have gone through a ton of theories as to why these strange states are hitting me. My favorite one yet? Somehow I am connected to the Eye of Jupiter and that the fleet is tapping into me to chart their path home, to Earth. Worst case? It is the cylons that tapped in, and I am, in fact, one of the remaining five.

So, who wants to help me with the buckles on my straight jacket?

trb.

coffee has turned on me. i have had 7 cups today and am still yawning like it is the end of the world.

i will sleep out in the gutter.

may i, once again, re-direct your gaze elsewhere? all of my extra energy is being utilized by composing other letters of which you suckers will never read.

so, as a constellation, go here.


till next time.
trb.

good news.

i received a letter yesterday:


Congratulations! Your film THE THINGS MY PARENT TAUGHT ME has been selected for exhibition in the 15th Annual $100 Film Festival to be held March 8-10, 2007.

and.

The festival provides one way shipping of your work. At the completion of the Festival, your film will be shipped back to you, pre-paid, along with a souvenir program, poster and screening fee.

a screening fee?!?!

how exciting is that?

trb.

walked home tonite with my old banker. this kid had the most fantastic laugh and is going to teach me to be a hypnotist.

learned of new funding under way for my delightful animation project.

things are so fantastic when the mood strikes.

trb.

i have been having a morning of pure indulgence. i am still in my pajamas, watching movies, and drinking coffee floats. i am going to be eating nachos with yogurt soon.

the coffee float was so delicious. java blend's fog city blend, with real vanilla bean ice cream. i feel like some sort of celebrity, except for the dingy pajamas.

well, got to get back to lounging.

p.s. if you are in the hali area, this is a warning. apparently this evening is the world's largest pub crawl or some shit. i am not stepping foot outside of my apartment after sunset.

Five Minutes of Intense.

Dearest LuLu,

You have made me stand proud.
With thoughts of you, my swagger increases.
You sold me my first professional mustache.

I think of you and I can enter any room I want, with pride.

I will miss you forever.

I will cherish you forever.

truly,
Andy Rogenous.

That Mitchell and Webb Look - Toothbrush Marketing

i picked this little gem up from discokuusisto's site. i laughed so hard.

and.

i am too effing lazy to do my own update still.

Giving in to Tempation.

Yeah, so I am feeling lazy and plagiaristic. I saw this on someone else's posting. Avoiding work on the computer and linking through Friend's pages can do this to you. I tried it out and was oddly impressed.

You know the drill, player on random and watch the results roll in.

Enjoy.

Opening Credits:
The Hardest Button to Button - The White Stripes

Waking Up:
Chile Your Waters Run Red Through Soweto - Billy Bragg

First Day At School:
Lesson 02b - Language Learning Sapnish

Falling In Love:
Lonely - Tom Waits

Fight Song:
Bus-A-Bus Interlude - Missy Elliott

Breaking Up:
Her Room - Tiger Lilies

School Ball:
Accept Yourself - The Smiths

Life's OK:
Doot Doot Ploot - Hidden Cameras

Mental Breakdown:
Naomi - Neutral Milk Hotel

Driving
Capturing Moods - Rilo Kiley

Flashback:
I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday - Morrissey

Getting Back Together:
Flight of the Icarus - Iron Maiden

Wedding:
William, it was Really Nothing - The Smiths

Birth of Child:
No Name #4 - Elliott Smith

Final Battle:
Big Black Mariah - Tom Waits

Death Scene:
Is There a Beat Generation - Jack Kerouac

Funeral Song:
Can I Play with Madness - Iron Maiden

End Credits:
Closing Time - Tom Waits

My day kinda sucked enough to not want to tell you people anything, so, take what you can get.

hahahahahahhahahahahaha.

trb.

The painting is drawing to a close. About time as well. There was a mishap which set me back quite a bit. The paint store mistinted the green I had chosen for my room, so I had to repaint it. I love the colour of it now though.

The living room is quite smashing as well. Imagine you have a can of magic, you open it up and it covers your walls. That is what my living room is now. Pure magic.

Still no phone.

A friend of mine bought a gorgeous road bike of which I will be eternally envious of. When we went to the bike shop, I fell in love with a bicycle. A Jamis Aurora touring bike. A shoddy photo is at the top of this post. It is 1000 dollars, so it will not be parked next to Bertha any time soon.

My studio is well on it's way to being fully functional, and I am looking into funding for another animation. Such fun.


over and out.

practising hermit.

on the road to loserberg.

i am so giddy about my new place i never want to leave it. so, i don't.

well, i do. i went to lunnenberg today. that was fun.

still no phone and i am kinda enjoying that. i may forgo the phone forever. i have a bike, two legs, internet. what do i need a stinking phone for?

so, funny moving story.

i fell out of the back of the u-haul. it was about a four foot drop. i went from a standing position to landing face/head first on rusty fence and frozen ground. the large bin of bedding i was carrying did not touch the ground once. my killer instincts kicked in to protect the tupperware container full of duvets and sheets. i shielded them with my body. how fantastic is that?

also.


i need help with the colour scheme for my kitchen. the budget is non-existent now, but i can be resourceful if need be. if you are interested in putting in your three cents (i like the wage increase) and help me pick a color, drop me a line. or just drop in.

i am too high on paint fumes to continue.

yesssssssssssss.

trb.

Dear Airstream,

I like you very much. Now that you have re-designed the Bambi trailer, I am the happiest kid on the block. It almost makes me want to get a job! No trailer has ever done that for me before. Thank you.

heaving boxes.

i am moving. i finally found an apartment on my own. i have decided to stick with hali for just under a year as there may be decent work for me in the near future. my new apartment is huge, and i have a small studio space.


and, i can do four chin-ups in a row, take a 2 minute break and do three more. i am so strong. i would totally date me.



the recess bandit.


p.s. some photos of the new bachelor pad. i am painting the place tomorrow cause it looks like ass currently.

kitchen

living room

and there is a huge bedroom, and stairs with a banister, and a tiny studio. but the studio is 7.5 feet by 7.5 feet, so i guess it isn't that small, really.

Solar Tube Skylights.

This just made my year. Brilliant.

I recently got a haircut from a friend and as a trade I was to take photos of the new haircut. I did a photo shoot with myself, which is very difficult for me. There were a ton of technical difficulties, as well as me being very uncomfortable during the entire thing.

The thing that gets me though is how I look.


Do I really walk around with this look on my face? I look as if I am emotionaly dead or something.

Emotional States.

I keep telling myself that I will not get emotional and sucked into Battlestar Galactica, but it just keeps happening again and again. I am holding my breath during battles and rescue missions. I am getting misty eyed over the drama and touching speeches. I really, really want to know who the other five are. I am shouting to characters on my screen. It is truly ridiculous.

Things are good. The Jesus Season is almost over. This one was my best one yet.

I also received advice regarding my medical condition to see a chiropractor. Get adjusted. I have been trying to find a chiropractor in this city for a few weeks now. I miss getting snapped and popped.


I got nothing else. Not really.

OOOhhhhhhh, two posts in one day....

I got the results from my blood work today. I was hoping for a vitamin deficiency. I even thought it was a good omen when someone I knew came out of my doctor's office, having just had her B12 shot.

Good news bad/bad news scenario. There is nothing wrong with any of my organs, I am not vitiam deficient, so it is probably all in my head. Which is the bad news. I probably have something firing wrong inside my brain, which means I have to go for MRI's, CTScans, and all that jazz. There are soooo many ways in which that sucks.

But this whining and dining my irrational fears is not what this entry is about.

After leaving the doctor's office, I felt really low. I needed a night to myself. I needed relief.

I needed to get drunk.

Only I don't drink alcohol, so, I needed to get drunk on food.

I went shopping for junk food.

This is where is gets ridiculous. You know what I bought?

Two cans of Organic Carbonated Juice, naturally sweetened, and two grapefruits.

Pathetic.

I tried really hard to buy some crap, but nothing appealed to me.

I was even more depressed at my recent failure, so, I forced myself to go out and buy myself a soda pop.

591 ML of Dr. Pepper.


It is going to be magic.


trb.

Still Delirious.

Dear Norwalk Virus, I totally just kicked your ass.

yes, it has been a fun few days for the bandit. When presented with the overwhelming task of dealing with the virus I did not believe in previously, I suggest eating honey-crisp apples very slowly. By slowly, I mean eating one over the course of a day. It is true. I am an eater, a big eater as many know. Others eat nothing during their Norwalk visit. I eat apples.

Ramble.

I have been slowly losing the use of my extensions. My fingers, my toes, up to my arms and my legs. They just go numb, I have been losing strength in them as well. My vision is turning into a fish eye lens, you know the kind that every skate photo is taken with.

I went to the doctor, because my arms have been turning to mush more aggressively these days, I figured it was a pinched nerve. I told my doctor of the ailments and she told me I would have to wear a cloth neck collar while I slept. I laughed and told her of my Nana, and we both laughed at the hilarity of it all. Something was wrong with my neck. hahahahaha.

"So, I guess that explains the lose of sensation in my feet as well?"

Her smile dropped immediately, she stumbled and stretched her mouth out again. My doctor turned away from me and started arranging things on her desk.

"We can get through this, we can totally deal with this." she never looked at me once.
"We have to get you in to the neurologist. Uhm, okay, go for some blood work and then we will make the appointment. Wait, no, we have to make the appointment right away. This is fine."

My doctor panicked.
My doctor panicked, and then she asked me how old I was, and then she told me it was probably a vitamin deficiency, and that I should not worry.

How am I not supposed to worry?

Have you ever seen your doctor panic over your symptoms? It totally sucks.

Carrot Top scares the crap out of me.

And.


My days have been made by the following bit of news that I am sure at least one of you is going to appreciate. Twitch City is now available on DVD. Yes it is. I already have my copy. So lovely.

bursting bubble.

this make me barf in my mouth.

McCabe and Mrs. Miller is one of my favorite movies in the world. It is one of the few films that can bring me to tears every time I watch it.

There was a small part of me that always thought I could personally thank Robert Altman some day.

busy.

So, from nothing to ton-o-ton of stuff. I have a job. yep. Mother's helper.

And.

I will be directing a short FILM soon. Getting trained to be the best director I can be as well. So effing exciting.

As well, my motther gave me a fantastic digital camera for my birthday. I have been taking so many crappy shots. I took a picture of David, from Six Feet Under, crying. I have also been shooting a few animations. Working the kinks out of some newly learned techniques.

So, I have decided that my cats and I are going to buy a small plot of land out west, and move into this. I think I was drooling while going through the photos and stats. I think I have a problem.

p.s. I just started listening to the Edie Brickell album, Shooting Rubberbands. I am amazed how much I am enjoying it. Oh nostalgia will kick me in the teeth every time.

so lovely linking.

i need to get myself a job. i feel the need to purchase this and this. the others are nice as well, i just really like these two in particular.

oh, and speaking of lovely, and how fantastic i am, wouldn't i just be super charming in this or this?

this is also delicious.

p.s. the below picture is of me and housemate Max during function.

eat your heart out detroit.

This Shit is Toooooo Funny.

So, instead of boring you with my stories, I shall re-direct you to my sister's recent post. My sides hurt from laughing so much. I don't recall ever seeing this picture before.


truly,
boxed in.

YAH!

So, Girl-ish Productions had a pirate themed dance party. I love a dress up dance party! I went as an ARRRRGyle pirate.

The tights are argle print as well.

And:

New Pearls!!!!!!!!

Dear Tifilis, I tried to call you this evening, but you decided not to be home. This is too bad as apparently, I am an excellent phone conversationalist! Oh well. Perhaps I shall try in the next day or two.....is one day better than another?

In other news: the housemates slept soundly as I danced up and down the hallway with fantastic music in my head. My monkey-duck slippers work wonders at keeping the sound of my footsteps to a minimum.

Also, I taught myself to waltz this evening. I am super graceful. You can ask anyone that was in my house this evening as I held multiple demonstrations.

i can lead and follow.

i am such a catch.


till it happens again.

i feel as if i am drowning.

I have stumbled upon a free studio space for me and my animation. Unbelievable. I can build and shoot there, with all access as far as I know. Super happy.


Plus: I am trying to make my way to Vancouver in the next few weeks. Please keep eyes and ears open for oppertunities. Thanks in advance.

6-8 weeks out of surgery......finally. I, rather unfortunatley, miscalculated and may have done some damage.

Things are progressing. I am finally able to move about and get things done.



the zine fair is on saturday. i will be kicking it with the kids.
there will be some video/film being shown.
my musical may be there.

Skipper.

I once had a pony I loved very much.

Good Looking.

Here is some interesting reading. Enjoy.

My shampoo, which I can admit, I only use once a month if that, scored a 1.3. I was quite surprised at this as I thought it would have scored higher. Maybe now I will wash my hair regularly...

sloppy drunk= vicious hangover.


i lived though, which means i am not the messiah. explanation to follow.

happy birthday to me.

my oh my what a handsome kid i am.


quite truly,
the recess bandit.

Robert Sergal.

I would love to have this in paper format. I have recently taken to reading my comics in the beam of light that floods my room often.

Some fantastic folks presented me with Chris Ware's Jimmy Corrigan, The Smartest Kid on Earth during my hospital stay.

I would strongly recommend anything by Chris Ware. Especially if you have the time to lounge, such as I have. The only problem is that it makes me weep. And fall in love. It is messy.


sample of Chris Ware's work here.

disjointed sentences courtesy of lack of self control when being handed alcohol.

courtesy

favorite one yet.

Difference of Opinions.

Amazing how my Sparkling glasses make me look like more of a man than when I am dressed as Andy.

Another photo I uploaded told me I looked like Hugh Grant and Heath Ledger. Pontsey.


truly,
the recess bandit.

Kiss it as I Ride Away.

Due to previously mentioned surgery, I was confined to walking about as my main means of transportation. I have no tolerance for the walk about. Today Bertha and I were reunited. It is semi slow moving, but we managed.

Oh how I missed my bike.

truly,
the recess bandit.

*please note: the above image is not Bertha, merely a representation. The above bicycle , whom I fondly refer to as Henry, shares a living space with Bertha. They are just friends.

My Kat Hates You.

I found out about this Youtube link through DiscoKuutchie. Oh yeah, she will totally appreciate the re-naming. Well, here is the link. It is ridiculously funny.


trb.

This made my morning.

That is all.


truly,
the recess bandit

Big Day Out.

Yesterday was my first day out for a full day. It was way to exciting. Sad but true. I walked downtown and hung out with a new friend at my favorite coffee shop. Being there allowed me to mingle with some folks that I adore. I drank more coffee than I should have. Afterwards, my new friend and I went grocery shopping. I was in such a good mood I wanted to do something nice. Imagine that. My housemate, the one that still lives here, has been extra-special during my recovery time. She recently got hooked on coffee sweetened with honey, a habit I fully endorse, so I got her a huge jar of wildflower honey. If you steal it, does it still count as a generous act?

In other news....the original Unit has been split up. The friend/housemate that I got this apartment with has moved on. Funny thing is, he is here more now that he has moved out! Not that I am complaining! His sweet face will be missed in this house.

Shit is this post ever boring.

This is what happens when one is unable to leave the house for more than an hour at a time.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. does anyone have any advice on how to tell if a friend is, you now, into you?
I had considered plying them with alcohol, but that would be sleazy...... wouldn't it?

Wedding bells are going to clank.

Eugene Mirman checked out my Friendster profile. We are so getting married! Funny smells and all.

truly,
the recess bandit.

p.s. have I mentioned that I can not ride my bike for another month(!!!!!) therefore I may slowly recede into a blathering fool. No bicycle equals no sanity.

Bob Odenkirk Rap

A little back to school special for you kids out there. This makes me laugh so hard, I think I pulled a stitch.

big baby.

i have not done much but scream in pain. fuck does this ever hurt. i ran out of arnica. i ran out of patience. still worth it. worst part about it is that i can hardly read my books that i stock piled. a friend brought me Kafka's Metamorphisis books-on-tape cause i wanted to read it in the hospital. i am baking cakes for all my friends, as soon as i can lift my arms.

later.

the recess bandit.


p.s. i want to go see Little Miss Sunshine this week, any takers? you know where to reach me.

p.p.s. i love charles burns so very much. just so you know.

Before

After

It is amazing. My shirt has no idea where to go anymore. It just kinda hangs off, looking all awkward and shy.

I cannot belive how happy I am.


truly,
the recess bandit.

things to check.

holy crap. i just discovered this website and i shall never sleep again.

We Feel Fine.


later.

Tales from the Hospital.

I am finally back home. Boy-oh-boy did I ever miss it. Due to not being able to lift my arms for so long, I will post photos from the hospital for you to enjoy. Please be warned, one contains contained blood.

Me and the oxygen. I really love the oxygen.

My plastic surgeon is hilarious.

The mesh underwear the nurse had to put on me.

By some fantastic fluke, I scored a private room. This was the view. Inspirational.

This meal came just as I was being released. The night before I ate some vegetable that I can not identify. Unfortunately, this is not a joke.

My blood. Drains coming from my chest. For two days.

I am allergic to tape!

Well, that is all for now. I am tired and need to lay down again. The splint that I still have around my midsection cuts off my breathing. I also have to sleep on my back. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, limbs flailing like a turtle flipped on it's shell.

My housemate says I look like I am wearing a bullet proof vest.

If I had to do this all again, in order to be small chested, I totally would.
I also have a harder time figuring out why women would go through this for purely cosmetic reasons. This shit is painful.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gots an Elvira movie to watch.


truly,
the recess bandit.

so many stories, so much codine.



trb.


p.s. thank you to all of you who wished me so well.

so long suckers!!!


the recess bandit.