30 August 2007

broken and brusied

is how i feel.

my heart is not healing.

i miss my friend so much and nobody wants to fucking listen to me anymore. so, i utilize this thing to expel it all.
i feel like i let him down, not that i could have prevented him from killing himself, this i know, but i was not there to let him know how much he meant to me, how he was one of my best friends, how he inspired me to become the person i am on the way to becoming, how fantastic and beautiful he was, how i was in platonic love with him from day one, how special he always made me feel. i just fucking miss him.

i am tired and going without sleep and all my energy is put into taking care of a baby.

things are bad, i cannot lie. i need someone to hear me, i have nothing left for being sounding boards for others.

i will not be talking to anyone for a while because i would just tell you to fuck off anyways.

everything seems so trivial right now.

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